More Proof That Santa Claus is Real

Santa's Sleigh Explained

A team of researchers at North Carolina State University have been doing Santa research that provides further proof of my belief that Santa is Real. They have been studying some key issues that everyone has questions about.

Read it, believe it – There is a Santa Claus.

Here are some choice quotes explaining their detailed research.

1. How does Santa know if you’ve been naughty or nice?

It is no overstatement to say that Santa knows when children have been bad or good. He knows much else besides. The information stems from a personal pipeline Santa has to children’s thoughts via a listening antenna that combines technologies currently used in cell phones and EKGs. A sophisticated signal processing system filters the data, giving Santa clues on who wants what, where children live, and even who has been bad or good. Effectively, it gives him advanced neuroimaging capabilities that tell him that Mary in Miami hopes for a surfboard, Michael from Minneapolis wants a snowboard, etc. Later, all this information is processed in an onboard sleigh guidance system, which provides Santa with the most efficient delivery route.

The system serves as a fail-safe backstop to the letters Santa receives via snail mail from around the globe.

2. How does Santa make all the toys?

Dr. Zikry is still trying to work out the specifics regarding Santa’s “magic sack” – a sort of nano-toymaker that uses a reversible thermodynamic processor to create toys for good girls and boys on site. As you can imagine, that cuts down significantly on the overall weight of the sleigh (fuel efficiency!). The magic sack uses carbon-based soot from chimneys, together with other local materials, to make the toys by applying high-precision electromagnetic fields to reverse thermodynamic processes previously thought to be irreversible. Simply put, it’s amazing.

3. How does Santa deliver all those presents?

Based on his advanced knowledge of the theory of relativity, Santa recognized years ago that time can be stretched like a rubber band, space can be squeezed like an orange and light can be bent. By the early 1950s, he had found a way to take advantage of relativity clouds: controllable domains – rips in time – that allow him months to deliver presents while only a few minutes pass on Earth. He has only fine-tuned the process in recent decades. I’m definitely going to have to update my book – Unified Field Theory for the Engineer and the Applied Scientist! The presents are really delivered in the wink of an eye.

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